I hope everyone is well and feeling good on this sunny Saturday morning 🌞😎💐 let’s have a great day full of positivity, I know I need it. 😅😊
It’s been nearly 3 years since I cut the final tie that was adding to my depression and anxiety… It really paved the way to finally opening up to the positives and letting go of the negatives that had been poisoning me throughout my life.
I am a completely different person almost!
I’ve found my strength.
I’ve found my passion.
I’ve found my voice.
I’ve found myself.
I’ve learned self-love and self-acceptance.
I’ve learned if I have questions I will ask.
I’ve learned to stand up for myself and others.
I’ve learned I need to take a moment to take a breath and think before I react (although that’s still a work in progress)
I’ve learned I have so much determination within me.
I still have my insecurities and traumas that I’ve been dealing with and I may still be a bit prickly when I feel, see and hear unfair treatment. I may still come across argumentative when I feel a negative emotion either from someone or from within me.
But before this version of me…
I was quiet.
I said nothing.
I suffered in silence.
I allowed things to slide by because I was afraid. Afraid I wouldn’t be liked.
Afraid I’d get hurt.
Afraid I wouldn’t be heard.
Afraid I wouldn’t be believed.
Afraid I’d be sent away from those I “loved”.
When I did argue back I wasn’t saying all I felt or thought.
I held back.
I didn’t get to the main point just pivoted around it reacting to the anger within me, not the exact cause of the anger.
We all have our own issues, traumas, and experiences.
I voice my thoughts and feelings more than I ever have… Maybe I can come across a bit much without realising… But I use to keep everything bottled up til one day it was too much and I exploded. I became someone I didn’t recognise. Someone I hated. The toxic poison that had been injected into me every day of my life like it was normal finally took its toll and I was a mere fragment of myself. I didn’t know who I was, where I was going in life or how I was going to get up out of bed the next day.
It’s no surprise for anyone who knows me to know that I am full of emotions and full of thoughts… I am a “sensitive soul” (in more ways than one) or so I’ve been told. I’m a very emotional person. I overthink things and read too much into stuff… I have been working on that but it’s hard when I’ve had hurtful experiences that have given me that defensive stance…
To this day I am my most positive self.
I look in the mirror and I see the good.
I wake up every morning, take a deep breath, smile and start the day with a good attitude and happy outlook.
I still have those moments and days where the negatives may rise to the surface and I voice my thoughts… I’m still learning to voice them in a way where they are perceived the way I mean.
I’ve finally become the mum that doesn’t go along with what others say I should or shouldn’t do with my kids. (although I’ve always tried to do my own thing with them, I’ve allowed people to sway me which I regret) I let them be who they want to be, how they choose to dress and what they want to be interested in.
No stereotyping, no sexism, no generalisation no racism or any kind of discrimination here.
I want them to grow up in a loving, happy and encouraging environment. I don’t want them to feel the way I felt growing up. I will be their cheerleader and their friend while still being a mum that tries to set healthy boundaries.
They will always come first.
I’ve made mistakes. I have regrets. But I try to learn from them and I want to be better for my kids and myself.
Why am I saying all this? This is one of my outlets voicing and expressing myself. I’m happy to share my thoughts and feelings, my journey, my growth and me overcoming the obstacles, the past and the nagging negatives.
Those of who are truly there for me and not “just being nice”.
You encourage me.
You support me.
You cheer me on through the good.
You comfort me through the bad.
You understand me or at least try to even if I have my moments.
You help me let it out when I’m holding my breath and guide me to take a deep fresh breath to keep me calm.
I would try to do the same for you and I do try even if I’m not very good at it 😅 I appreciate you in my life 😊❤️
I’m content right now. I’m nearly 29… It’s about time, right? 😜