Today I am having one of those days;
I feel myself tearing up every now and then for no reason at all or for every reason… I’m just not sure. It’s definitely frustrating and confusing because I feel alright… But I am getting emotional without obvious cause.
I know I’m exhausted. I’m tired of crap. I’m stressed. I’m frustrated. I have a lot of things to do and they’re just piling up. But I’m not sure if these are the reason why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling. I might have an Iron Deficiency at the moment and that could be the cause of my lack of energy and constant tiredness.
I also don’t want to do too much to the point that I run myself into the ground… But then when I think about that I start to worry and there are a lot of things that I worry about when I do start to worry.
I have gone through a lot and continue to go through it but I have a better attitude and more of a positive outlook than I did before when I did struggle in the past.
This morning after dropping the kids off at school and nursery, I had a burst of motivation and I had a choice of going to the allotment and getting stuff done there or going home and getting stuff done there. I chose to go home because yesterday I had made a decent dent in the workload of the kitchen and I wanted to finish it.
When I got home though I got teary and I sat down collected my thoughts, took a breath and decided to get on with my blogging. I find it hard to keep up with it when I have so much to do anyway. I haven’t gotten around to doing any stuff done at home as blogging takes quite a bit of time but at least it is keeping me somewhat balanced at this moment in time.
I am trying not to get sucked into my own problems and issues and trying to keep my head up and focused on myself and the kids and our future… I don’t want to be pulled/dragged back down to that lonely, pitiful, sad state that I have been in before.
It’s like I’m trying to keep my head above water, I’m keeping calm even though I feel I am on the verge of panicking and I can feel something below me trying to pull me under… That’s how I can describe it right now.
I know I will feel better. I know I wont feel this way forever. I know I am strong enough to break free of the hold, push my self through and up out of the water and on the boat that I will create for myself and be able to sail towards where I aim to be.
Okay this post is a bit all over the place and may not make sense but if it helps me then it helps me. If I wan to light up the darkness that is trying to surround me then I need to admit how I feel and face what needs to be faced and continue to do what I need to do.
My brain is shutting down a little at the moment! I’m feeling so tired.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
x Emz x