Last year I went into a depression and anxiety spiral and I didn’t like how I was feeling emotionally, mentally and physically. I often had migraines, nausea, hot flushes and mood swings. I was angry, upset, paranoid and tired everyday. I couldn’t think straight, I was argumentative over the smallest of things and just mean when it got too much for me and ended up pushing those closest to me away. I even hated the way I looked. It was getting so bad that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. The way I was being stamped the end of my relationship I had at the time.
One morning I walked into the living room and saw toys still on the floor when I had asked my kids to clear it up the day before. I then picked them up, went into the kitchen to make a drink an accidentally knocked stuff off the counters as I had loads of cleaning and tidying to do in there. At this point I got really angry and I shouted (it didn’t take much for me to blow up) and I got really hot and dizzy and started shaking and then everything blacked out! After that I realized something wasn’t right and I needed to change.
I found out that my sugar intake was too high and was effecting me in a bad way. I cut down on sugar and even used alternative options. I stopped eating crap as much and started to cook from fresh. I started listening to self help sleep learning audios and started feeling positive again. I decided I wanted to get in shape so I could learn to love my body and feel more confident in myself.
For months I did home workout videos that I found online and I felt great. I saw a change in myself not just physically but mentally and emotionally too! Last Summer I got some scary news that got me thinking and I decided I thought to much and needed to just do and not think about it. Which I did just do things that I later realized wasn’t a good thing for me.
But then the problem was it was getting too expensive to shop for the healthy stuff especially when I only had £20 a week for food shopping and lets not forget I had a 1 year old who was going through 2 packs of nappies a week and formula milk which isn’t cheap either!
Some stuff happened in my life that stopped my progress and changed me again and then the bad luck just kept rolling in;
– Someone tried to mug me after the morning school run when I was at a cash point with my daughter.
– Me and the kids were stalked by a man who tried to follow us into our home then insulted me and my kids when I stopped him.
– Our home flooded and was left uninhabitable and damaged. had to go live with my mum for 3 months over the kids birthdays and Christmas and new years.
– My son got rushed to hospital as the damp from our home caused his asthma to flair really badly to the point he couldn’t breath and was put back on oxygen.
– I had to juggle sorting out our place, finding out what was happening with our place, making sure I had help looking after my daughter as I sat by my sons side in hospital and making sure the school knew he was I hospital every day that went by so that they don’t put it down as unauthorized and fine us for not being in school.
– I was attacked by ravens which literally tried to fly off with my head after leaving a public kids park.
– And family problems started due to the past, present and future.
When we moved back to our home February this year, I tried to sort out the mess and make it livable again. I also tried to get back to the workouts it lasted til march and then I just lost motivation, it was hard to start working out when the aches and pains started from the first workout in a long time and I just couldn’t and wouldn’t push through the pain.
I still don’t have the best of luck but I wanted to do things I have always wanted to to do and actually try to make a change. I set up challenges for myself and this past summer I even went for a Sky dive! (Was not as good as I thought it would be and I feel like I wasted money for how awful I felt after the sky dive.)
Food has always been my downfall as I love to eat and I have a weakness for chips, fast food, takeaways (mainly Chinese and pizza) So my body has gone soft and “cuddly” haha and although there are some parts of me I like, there are other parts I would like to improve on and I really want to be able to do charity runs without feeling every bit of me wobble as it is painful believe it or not!
so out of everything I feel good within myself even if I do have a lot of stress that is a bit too much for me at times. (more on that on another post)
Thanks for reading.
x Emz x