Um… Hello 2022…. Where have the last 2 years gone!?
I woke up this morning at 7:21 am without any alarm prompting me… It’s been happening the past couple of mornings and although I am not complaining because I like to start the day early – I just don’t tend to be able to do it. So it is rather strange! Especially when I had the sudden urge to write… And thus realised it had been almost 2 years since I wrote anything last and even that had been a quick update after a year or so from not writing!
My last 2 blog posts were about my Achievements and my Personal Growth and that was in July 2020! How time flies when life throws all sorts at you! – Plus children… Children make life go by oh so very fast it’s scary! But so much has happened and I can not wait to share everything that has gone on – of course, I will also share the not so great bits because life isn’t all sparkly and lovely for us. I want to be able to open up about things I wanted to write before and things that are going on for me now and also what has been happening since my last post.
March 2020… I was not doing very well at all. For years I was juggling everything, rushing around, never stopping, doing everything myself with near enough no support and never taking a break all while I was suffering from ongoing continuous chronic symptoms and pain that I had no idea why or what the cause was until the end of 2019 (When I was finally seen by a specialist who found what the root cause of my issues and that it was a condition I was born with and had contributed to my ongoing infections and medical issues all my life – more on that on another post.).
Oh, and I had no Immune system… greeeeat…
I needed time to just stop for a minute to catch my breath before I spiralled deeper and drowned. I was depressed and ill often. I disliked the person I had become and the way I allowed people to treat me when I deserved better. I had been doing well for myself though and I was racking up achievements and qualifications. I was bettering myself and even stayed strong and willed myself to keep going despite how I really felt… I just couldn’t really see how good I was doing or how great I could be due to how I saw myself. I just couldn’t see my true value.
Then one day everything just stopped.
Time stood still or so it felt that way to me.
And. It. Felt. Amazing.
The pressure was off.
I had never felt so light in all my life.
I took it as a holiday, a break, a time to just do whatever I wanted (within my home anyway). I cracked open the pile of puzzles (which had been gifted over the years for my past Birthdays and Christmas’) I had been wanting to do but had no time to do. The boxes were still wrapped in plastic from when they were bought new.
I completed 4 puzzles (1000 pieces each).
I also went through 22 books – granted they were audiobooks but that just gave me free hands and free eyes to get on with whatever else I wanted to do while listening to a good book… Or in my case many, many books.
I loved it.
It opened up not just the time but quality time to spend with my children. Before it was hard to get that time to just be and enjoy when things piled up and it was never-ending. They too were burnt out from the negatives that come with the school system (that will be another post).
I had a spring in my step, a rhythm to my cooking and a giggle to my washing up. I was creating the space around us to be the best environment for us to flourish and thrive. Our best life… But at home. Safe and secure and content. That was us.
I had major inspiration for my kitchen and bedroom and I got to cleaning and stripping the walls and sanding and then paint spraying and coming up with unique original ideas on how to decorate them.
I was in my element.
4-5 months later...
July 2020… I was in a very good place. Mentally, physically and emotionally.
It was just what I needed and I felt like my overall health had gotten better.
Things started being pushed and forced to go back to life and continue on like we did before, but alongside the current situation “the new normal” or whatever they were calling it. I felt this crushing pressure drop on me and then a new sense of anxiety creeping in that I had not experienced before.
We had been shielding and had been super cautious. With my lack of immune system, I was beyond concerned about the what if’s (which is not a good route to take when negative unhelpful thoughts are behind the questions)…
Against my better judgment, I took my kids back to school because we had no choice… right?
Well, that was a stupid thing to do and there was a knock-on effect. I felt like I was being dragged through everything at a high speed and I couldn’t take it.
It was too much.
It was too fast.
It was too soon.
And it broke us.
It broke me.
And yet… I had no choice, right?
*sigh* Society…
They were in and out throughout the rest of the year due to closures and “mandatory” home school learning and reopenings etc, etc (another post will be covering this whopper)
2021 – To Be Continued…
(But yeah. A lot has changed since then and I will continue to write about what has been happening and I will have to update the details of my blog since it was last updated in 2020.)
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An Emzy Life 